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Christian QuestionMarks

There aren't many Bible verses that directly address homosexuality. Some people argue that the Bible is very clear on this subject and interpret it as judging those with homosexual feelings and, in extreme cases, condemning them, tightening the leash. The Nashville Statement is a prime example of this. In general, having homosexual feelings is still acceptable, but it should never be acted upon. Homosexual relationships are rejected. In other words: "You may be it, but don't do it."

Others question this stance. Do those (few) texts refer to a loving relationship that arises from sexual orientation and mutual love, or do completely different matters play a (main) role? Whereby the (historical) context gives these texts a different meaning?

However, this website is not suitable for engaging in this debate. Therefore, we simply state our position, realizing that not everything and every individual can be lumped on to the one pile:


Our stance

If someone has a different opinion, we respect that too. For example, there are also homosexual Christians who, from their deep conviction, choose celibacy.

God walks a personal path with every believer.

However, our story is about MOMs (Mixed Orientation Marriages), so a man and a woman who are already in a marital situation, with one of them having SSA feelings.

We leave all the ins and outs, why, explanations of Bible verses aside because that is not the purpose of this site. We state our standpoint solely to clarify where our motivation for the choices on our life path (yes/no) comes from.

Marriage is not a prison where you are held against your will because that's just the way it is.

Whether or not homosexuality is sinful has never been an issue for us. When Linda realized she was lesbian, we had been married for twenty years. We loved each other and wanted to stay together. For us, marriage, love, and faithfulness were the things that mattered. These are also important Christian concepts. Those were the basis for our choices. In good times and bad, a promise we made to each other, with God as Witness. Love is not just a feeling; it is also a choice. When feelings fail in difficult times, love is also a decision you make. Remaining faithful to each other and to your convictions.

If Linda had fallen in love with another man, we would have had to make similar considerations. Sexual orientation does not play a role in that regard.

Remaining faithful in marriage is a choice you make together voluntarily. Marriage is not a prison where you are held against your will because it simply must be.

We had to deal with a specific situation, of course. Being lesbian in a heterosexual relationship turns a marriage upside down, and we realized it would be difficult.



The fact that we do not consider Same Sex Attraction sinful or categorically forbidden by God meant that we accepted this fact without moral rejection of the person. No matter how we dealt with it, this never stood in the way of self-acceptance (and mutual acceptance). You may be who you are, and that's perfectly fine.

This attitude, in our opinion, should also apply to each other if you want to seek a solution together in your marriage. Not a division where one is necessarily 'wrong' and the other 'right'. Nope, it's a pact where you stand (and go) together on equal terms.



Current cultural development tends to prioritize self-realization as the ultimate goal. You must pursue it; it is the worst sin if you do not. This clashes with Christian thought where objective values ​​take precedence over self-realization.

These conflicting perspectives come close together when there is homosexuality in a (Christian) heterosexual marriage. From both sides, the "Thou shalt this, and Thou shalt that" commandments can be thrown at you.

This is not thoughtlessly chasing after feelings, nor denying feelings

We come from a Christian direction where this kind of dogmatic rules-and-laws attitude does not exist, so we did not feel pressure from the church to choose a certain course.

We rather felt pressure from secular culture, which wants to prescribe what you should do. "Because otherwise, you are not authentic, otherwise, you are not staying true to yourself, follow your feelings and live accordingly."

All well and good, and if people want that, they should do it. But we do not allow ourselves to be told what to do. If you allow that, you lose your freedom.

So "the self-realization commandment" is not for us. We make our choices ourselves and in freedom. Our religious belief takes precedence over everything for us. That forms the basis for our considerations. Well, it may mean that we, by our choices, forego "self-realization". It is what it is.



Foregoing "self-realization" never means that it becomes a choice for "self-destruction". It is not thoughtlessly following rules to end up in destruction. We know enough stories of couples where homosexuality played a role in a heterosexual marriage. Where there was lying, cheating, and adultery for years. Proven hopeless... Try to arrange the divorce properly and please, separate!

If someone actually knows they are homosexual but keeps it hidden and hopes to "heal" in a marriage. Don't do that! You will cause yourself and your partner immense pain, it will cause enormous wounds, and end in disappointment. Honestly acknowledge your wrong motives and face the consequences (whatever they may be).


More generally: marriage should be a place of love and respect and where you make decisions together on this basis. This is not thoughtlessly chasing after feelings, nor denying feelings. Your whole being may and should be involved in it (mutually!).

Choices are based on love, seeking each other's fulfillment, and aimed at this common goal. There may then be problems and setbacks, gigantic mountains you may encounter on this path. It is tempting to choose the "easy way out." Choosing for yourself, the religion of self-realization that is so glorified in today's culture.

If you truly love each other and therefore want to be stubborn: Distance yourself from what culture dictates, consider for yourselves (and then together) what is the path you truly want to follow together. And go for it! Fully accept each other without compromise.

Strive for it! It may be something you have to learn! Surviving and overcoming difficulties does not make you a worse person. On the contrary!

But if the other person backs out, stop. It is something you undertake together, or... not.


Don't be a fool, if the other person is proven not to go along with it, stop! Don't choose self-destruction!


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