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Support (groups)

Obviously, there's a need for people around you to talk to, even essential! The feeling that you're not alone and can share your story. For the confusing thoughts and situations that have arisen, even anger over lost dreams or the sense of or the helplessness that exists.

However, on the other hand, I also want to emphasize: too many advisers or the wrong support group can sometimes create more confusion than less! Additionally, support that does not align with the dynamics of the issue or the goal you want to achieve together can discourage rather than encourage, and even lead to more questions than solutions.

A MOM = marital relationship and the reconstruction of that specific aspect.

It always involves the will and foundation of love and promise between two people to come from mixed feelings to unity.

Conversations for constructive purposes, sharing concerns, dealing with things that happen in the home environment and personal inner thoughts, and being helped to give them a positive place and effect can, with the wrong approach, lead to nothing more than enduring issues, little constructive progress for many people, or even a path that undermines a MOM relationship.

In other words, two people who are married, seeking help, and where the sexual preference of one takes precedence.

It ends up being burdened with carrying a yoke in the relationship that stands as the elephant in the room... BUT!!! we're still moving forward together!! BUT!!! we love each other.

I mean... it doesn't lean on the principle of marriage building but rather on SSA feelings as the guiding victim.

It doesn't support taking a different path because it always holds SSA as its priority one.


The right foundation is a requirement for a MOM

Certainly, support groups can add value! Not just as a 'listening ear' but also in providing helpful insights, setting concrete goals, or providing backup to fall back on, etc.

In short, you can work with it and find support. But only through the right individuals or backed by the right vision that serves the participant's goal. This is an aspect not to be underestimated, both for the organizing segment but equally fundamentally important for the couple themselves!

Because what kind of support do you expect to receive? What exactly are you looking for?

Does the objective of the (support) group truly aline both needs, for example, in moving forward together?

Your marriage is not a prison wall guarded by God.

It is very important that as a couple, you have this shared goal on the agenda. One that provides the foundation for (re)building the marriage relationship.

That is the basis.

Going together then becomes: engaging together creatively and openly with the decision that intimacy and sexuality are equally important for both and not an exclusive priority for the individualist, but mutually acknowledging and accepting... So, the emphasis is not on SSA feelings or it's weight and value.

The distinction may sound somewhat strange to explicitly mention, but for embarking on a MOM, it is almost crucial to receive targeted and applicable help and guidance.

Because a MOM has a completely different objective than, for instance, what a celibate gay person might aim for! Or a youth still grappling with their feelings. Or the possibility of opening the marriage... or making oneself a victim in a marriage 'SSA feelings' is then only single commonality but the dynamics of dealing with the issue take a completely different direction.

The (thinking) frameworks and expectations, and yes, even emotions, on the path to complete understanding and recovery and dealing with the various issues, are completely different so that people who want to work positively and constructively on their orientation of their marriage with help and support even be misguided.

Even counseling from a Christian perspective could miss the mark regarding a MOM if it only emphasizes that SSA feelings are sinful and that SSA feelings essentially must be suppressed and borne as a burden. In short... that constructs a kind of victim role as referred to earlier on this website.

A MOM (= marriage) aims not to maintain the feeling of SSA where the other (hetero-partner) somehow has to learn to live with or encourage their partner at their own expense. Nor does it aim, at the expense of the SSA partner themselves, to deny themselves and be a (kind of) victim of being married.

It aims for a fully loving relationship that fully accepts each other, not a burden but a privilege. Where marriage is not the prison wall because God wants it and is the prison guard to hold you to a promise that deep down you don't really want.

To reiterate: this applies to both parties and is a two-way street, where there's no (loving) burden to bear, but rather, a joint approach to sexuality and being known by the other in your marriage.


So... & But... !!

So! Therefore, from people who have not only accepted their sexuality and orientation (which are already two different aspects) but also know what you mean and feel and the confusion it causes, But! As well understand the conditions in which intimacy and sexuality, where both parties have to (re)give meaning, can be positively, happily, and freely experienced.

So be accurately to find the 'right' group, preferably as a couple. Because with that specific and shared goal, support provides fertile ground and positive reinforcement for a MOM, for a couple. 

After all, the bakery isn't the best place to discuss the quality and durablility of pork chops. Or is the pulmonologist unsuitable regarding the resilience, condition, and lifespan of orthopedic footwear.


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