"My beloved is mine, and I am his."
Bert and Linda, married for almost 38 years, have four adult children and a beautiful set of grandchildren.
Our home bears the name "Ta Panta, Charitos," which translates to "Everything, Grace." With this, we want to emphasize the grace we have discovered step by step, stumbling and rising, throughout our journey together. We want to express that we have received everything by grace from His hand.
We have gained a lot of experiences, both beautiful moments and challenging obstacles that were not easy to overcome.
And yet... realizing that God's unconditional love through His Son goes so deep and is so rich... It turns out to be a space where freedom of movement and acceptance are not opposites but actually strengthen each other.
A brief overview
We are quite young when our marriage begins, 21 and 19 years old. Initially, we thought the problems we faced stemmed from the negative influence of Linda's damaged upbringing, leading to a complete lack of understanding of love, sexuality, and intimacy. Our marriage, alongside many beautiful moments, was also a period in which we struggled to find each other and discover what was important to both of us.
Bert :
If someone had told me many years ago that there would be light at the end of the tunnel and that I would find happiness again... oh, perhaps I wouldn't have believed it. Yet, I would probably have clung to it as a last resort. If only to have someone to talk to, someone who understood the personal impact of this 'coming-out'.
On one hand, I didn't really feel acknowledged, physically as a man. It was like being silently rejected. Initial promises suddenly seemed to be worth nothing, like air falling apart. The love I gave did not resonate as intended. The good and beautiful seemed to land on infertile ground.
It took a lot of time to heal, to be vulnerable again, to dare to love wholeheartedly, and to regain trust.
Linda :
An unexpected path began with the discovery of this missing piece, like a jigsaw puzzle we had been trying to complete for so long.
Falling in love with a woman and realizing that it answered many questions and 'whys,' filling gaps in emotions, brought about a euphoric and unprecedented exhilaration. It felt like diving into a cool pool, the finish line after a long journey of 'what is wrong with me' and 'not being able to measure up.'
The years following my coming-out as a woman with SSA (or perhaps I should say, finding myself and confronting that fact) initially completely shook our marriage. However, it eventually provided solid ground from which the happy situation we find ourselves in now could slowly develop.
Reaffirming our marriage vows to be faithful and loving to each other was not the endpoint. The relationship continued to grow further and deeper, ultimately becoming something better than it had been in all the preceding years. We, Bert and Linda, live in a MOM.
A "Mixed Orientation Marriage," in short, he is heterosexual, and she has a sexual preference for women. But together, we are two people who completely accept and love each other as originally intended. Although in the beginning, it was just "mixed feelings" and no clear "orientation" about which path to take.
We hope that all of this invites further reading, to walk along with the questions, uncertainties, and considerations that a situation like this brings. Hopefully, it also prompts some reflection, perhaps even letting go of some persistent labels and thought patterns that have gradually become commonplace and unfortunately often build a wall, closing off a path together rather than opening it up.
Not as a band-aid solution or a trick to make a MOM succeed.
We want to show that a MOM can be successful and exceed all expectations for those considering a MOM and are both willing to commit to it.
Not as a band-aid solution or the trick to make a MOM work just to cohabit under the same roof. Instead, with the goal of building a bridge towards each other, grounded in the mutual desire to accept each other with reciprocal and proportionate respect. Note: this applies in both directions.