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so,WHY  this site?

a you + a me = being together

In recent years, we have increasingly come to the conclusion that there is little information available for people facing such challenges within their marriage. This is even more pronounced when it comes to positive and constructive information for couples who, despite the different sexual orientation of one of the partners, consciously choose to continue their journey together.

According to some estimates, the survival rate of a Mixed-Orientation Marriage (MOM) is not particularly high, less than 20%. However, when individuals seeking information are only exposed to unilaterally negative stories, experiences, and statistics and are led to accept them as inevitable, it also functions partly as a self-fulfilling prophecy.

That's why we want to tell a different story because:1

  • Both partners already have a tough time navigating the challenges their marriage faces after the 'coming-out.'

  • The abundance of information on the internet encountered in searches is often extraordinarily negative and one-sided.

  • There is another perspective that goes beyond what cultural thinking (almost) dictates.


MOM means :

Mixed Orientation Marriage

Both individuals have their own feelings, preferences, obstacles, shortcomings, and disappointments.

It's not just about dealing with the same-sex sexual preference but also encompasses the emotions, obstacles, disappointments, and choices of the heterosexual partner. This aspect is often overlooked.

God is conveniently used for personal convenience

Irrespective of your stance on the issue, there exists a diversity of interpretations and scripts

being used, which can feel as though you can wander in various directions.

Here are some persistent clichés and labels:


Opinion: Such a marriage cannot exist!

"Don’t deny yourself, pursue that sexuality since that is who you are."

Conveniently, a feeling of guilt is subtly conveyed to the heterosexual partner. It might even be entirely dismissed for the sake of the gay-partner: "Isn't that coming-out wonderful? You get that... don't you?!"

"You're not doing justice to your partner..."

"You're hindering someone from being authentic to themselves."

"You're demanding too much! Just go... live your own life! You know that's what you should do..."

"Or else it will diminishes and sacrifice your identity”

"Embrace your sexuality, for that is who you are”

"Authenticity requires making sexual preference the priority."

"A gay person can solely be in a relationship with another gay"


Opinion: A gay Christian in a MOM is under a stifling yoke!

"The religious confinement of marriage: You can’t divorce, marriage is sacred."

Conveniently, humanity exploits the "god of pleasure," passing judgment without any genuine interest in His true nature. Replacing God with the "god of pleasure," employing half-truths that conform to widespread cultural scripts... Not grounded in (faith) knowledge and truth, but rather what feels morally and reasonably acceptable. Unverified and deceptive nonsense that may sound very wise but is NOT in accordance with the Bible.

"Gays must consciously 'choose' to suppress their sexual orientation."

 "People with SSA are considered sinners in the Bible."

"Pray the gay away."

"OMG, why on earth do they burden themselves with such a yoke, what a lonely, pitiful gay?"

"They live as brother and sister."

"Sexual desire is suppressed."

"One or the other becomes victim and submissive."

"You either impose something or you make yourself subordinate."

"They seek fulfillment elsewhere."

"Pray the gay away."


Opinion: A MOM is always sexually fundamentally unsatisfying.

For convenience, it is forgotten that people can voluntarily choose to continue a relationship out of love for each other. As if love means: I must prioritize MY desires and feelings. A very constricting and inhibiting freedom of choice.


No, we do not want to just tell you how it should be done, but rather share our direct experience in a MOM for your consideration. In a MOM, a marital relationship where both partners equally value each other's worth, interests, and feelings. Not just a "living together but living apart" situation. A place where intimacy and sexuality are also present.

It will come as no surprise that this goes against current culture labels and opinion. A monogamous MOM, a marital relationship where both partners want to be and commit to, even if they do not share the same sexual orientation.


Interested to read more?

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