so,WHY this site?
a you + a me = being together
In recent years, we have increasingly come to the conclusion that there is little information available for people facing such challenges within their marriage. This is even more pronounced when it comes to positive and constructive information for couples who, despite the different sexual orientation of one of the partners, consciously choose to continue their journey together.
According to some estimates, the survival rate of a Mixed-Orientation Marriage (MOM) is not particularly high, less than 20%. However, when individuals seeking information are only exposed to unilaterally negative stories, experiences, and statistics and are led to accept them as inevitable, it also functions partly as a self-fulfilling prophecy.
That's why we want to tell a different story because:1
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Both partners already have a tough time navigating the challenges their marriage faces after the 'coming-out.'
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The abundance of information on the internet encountered in searches is often extraordinarily negative and one-sided.
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There is another perspective that goes beyond what cultural thinking (almost) dictates.
MOM means :
Mixed Orientation Marriage
Both individuals have their own feelings, preferences, obstacles, shortcomings, and disappointments.
It's not just about dealing with the same-sex sexual preference but also encompasses the emotions, obstacles, disappointments, and choices of the heterosexual partner. This aspect is often overlooked.
God is conveniently used for personal convenience
Irrespective of your stance on the issue, there exists a diversity of interpretations and scripts
being used, which can feel as though you can wander in various directions.
Here are some persistent clichés and labels:
No, we do not want to just tell you how it should be done, but rather share our direct experience in a MOM for your consideration. In a MOM, a marital relationship where both partners equally value each other's worth, interests, and feelings. Not just a "living together but living apart" situation. A place where intimacy and sexuality are also present.
It will come as no surprise that this goes against current culture labels and opinion. A monogamous MOM, a marital relationship where both partners want to be and commit to, even if they do not share the same sexual orientation.
For convenience's sake, the heterosexual partner is made to feel guilty, or even completely sidelined in favor of the homosexual partner:
“Coming out is great, right? You understand that, don't you...?”
“You're letting your partner down...”
Or, “You're denying someone the right to be themselves, shame on you.”
“You're asking too much! Just leave... live your own life, you know you have to!”
In other words:
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move on alone, i.e. get divorced,
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have to (unwillingly) adapt to an open marriage.
For convenience's sake, God is taken advantage of by a humanity that judges Him and is not interested in Who He really is. And replaces God with the “god of satisfaction,” where half-truths fit in with general cultural “ labels” thinking...
Not based on (religious) knowledge and truth, but on what feels all right and reasonable to people. It's just plain nonsense that might sound smart but isn't biblical at all.
For convenience's sake, people forget that individuals can voluntarily choose to continue a relationship out of love for one another.
As if love means: I must prioritize MY desires and feelings. A very constricting and limiting freedom of choice. For it testifies to putting oneself first and taking little responsibility when it comes to promises.
Our situation is not unique, but it is our story. And it stands in stark contrast to what culture and gay scripts would have us believe.
It is about sharing experiences and being taken seriously, showing that there is another route and freedom of choice. We hope for others: recognition, that you are not alone. It is not easy for both in the MOM, but it is certainly not a one-way street.
Perhaps our story will give you some starting points, choices, and considerations that will be helpful and guide you further on your path of “going together.”