top of page

Ripples on the Surface

Only harmony can
resonate with harmony

Reflection of His Image 

As we engaged in pleasant conversation, someone opened lunch with a brief reflection—a 'standard Christian procedure,' if you will, typical for a Biblestudy weekend we attended. The remark "achieve to see the image of Christ in the other" was made.

Perhaps no one else noticed, but we glanced at one another, knowing something special was said here, at least for us. Reflecting on this moment, I believe this was my key i.e. for a door I didn't even know was there..

It all fell into place. 

The concept of Christ's image within the church: giving love where one feels completely free, safe, and accepted, and can depend on each other. Love that perceives the other as one desires to be known oneself.

It unlocked a door, which enables me to see my spouse from a different perspective and align my feelings and emotions with my spouse's. 

As time passed, I came to recognize that I could genuinely feel gratitude for his role and significance in my life, even in a sexual context—a sensation I had never truly experienced before. This connection deepened as I contemplated, "What exactly am I grateful for?" It was akin to discovering new details, worth, and colors or beauty in a painting, gradually revealing its stunning and gorgeous qualities and meaning. Unfolding a whole new dimension despite my SSA, enabling me to sincerely and emotionally embrace and explore my own sexuality within our unity.

Although I dislike labels, because they limit rather than define. 
But you can't completely avoid them, because before you know it, you've been given the wrong letter of the alphabet, making you BI because that's easier for the outside world to understand. But no. 
I'm not supernaturally healed or anything, no woolly wonky stuff. But within my SSA feelings, my preference has changed, shifted to a very different priority: My husband, my lover, Bert, the most precious person in my life.

Without him, I would not be complete. I fear he has stolen my heart, but I have his.

Sharing yourself with someone you know and feel deeply connected to is something to take pride in, and I am proud. Proud to be with him in our No more Mixed (-up 🙂) Orientation Marriage, but in a full and loving marriage.

Who do you want to be, what do you want to stand for, what exactly do you believe?

Well, it's very simple and short: We sincerely portray an image of something extremely awesome because it is totally worth prioritizing. We compose the music together because we ourselves are the key to the best composition.

Our relationship naturally and consistently deepened from that special day. The ripple effect became visible...


To see His image in one another


She believes all things, she hopes all things' 

Unconditional love. Complete forgiveness. Being known by His love. Leadership through His Word, The rock to stand on. A desire to find your heart and tremendous joy when He sees love answered in the inner need to give this back.

There is no doubt that sways you from here to there whether we are sufficient, or, if He still loves us.

Knowing you are safe and secure. A searching love that aims to teach things and helps you stand again when you don't understand and fail. A shelter. He (Christ Jesus) seeks that same security and inner conviction in man to know Him and feel safe and Is known in his caring love. 
He is dependable and worthy to receive our trusting love. In the face of everything, He hopes for our trust and to reach and penetrate our hearts. To be the unquestioned and sure motivation in our thinking.

He receives us without any resistance. Always. He wants to fill us with joy that goes deeper than we ourselves can realize. There is nothing that repels but rather draws us towards Himself in His all-bridging love. He places us spotless and pure before the throne of His grace: Holy, blameless and to His praise and glory (Eph. 1).

And there is nothing else He asks for in return but my faith in it, nor do I have anything more to offer Him than that. He has already done it all. 

That is what I believe.

Ik hoef daarvoor alleen maar 1 Kor. 13 te lezen: Dat IS de liefde in en van Christus, zo rijk en die pure schoonheid is en waar ik in wil onderdompelen en mezelf volkomen in gekend mag weten. Je hoeft er niets meer voor te doen, dat kan je zelf ook niet. Hij heeft het allemaal al gedaan in en door Zijn lijden om met blijdschap te geven dat Hij onze blijdschap WIL ontvangen. 

        ...but then I shall know, as [and] I am known.

Very concisely, the body of Christ (all believers together) is open to receiving that love and, in return, loving Christ unconditionally with complete conviction and gratitude.

Desiring dependence on Him...YES!!! Because His guidance was and is necessary. Transitioning from darkness into Light does not mean that difficulties cease to exist thereafter.

Being submissive...YES!!! Despite the negative connotations often associated with submission, it simply means honoring the commitment made to Him. It's recognizing the grace He has bestowed upon you and the obligation it entails. This grace isn't without cost or responsibility; it requires walking in accordance with His will. It's about revealing your identity and expressing what Christ means to you, all rooted in His love for you.

Seeking Him, pursuing unity with Him, carving out time for Him, desiring intimacy with Him—these are all ways of expressing what is significant to you. Recognizing that you've been redeemed, that His promises and faithfulness are reliable, and that you've been clothed in His righteousness—these are reasons for rejoicing and growing in understanding and trust.

Believing, living, and knowing that you've been set free, and acknowledging that His words are truth. It's about handling matters with dignity, understanding that His guidance is benevolent, and trusting that what He has initiated in your life will be brought to completion. It's recognizing that your fellow brothers and sisters in the congregation are no more and no less than you are, but equally cherished children of God. It's about seeing others through the lens of Christ's love, and so on.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

That image of Christ's love to the church is completely woven into marriage. A recurring returning love that cherishes and upholds each other, builds a bridge and is faithful.

A promise that deepens from beginning to end.

A promise of caring for each other.

A promise of being faithful to one another.

A promise of being safe and secure in one another.

Being known in deepest essence and being known by the other. Being open and receptive to the other.

A promise of wanting to care for one another.

A promise of sharing in unity. Sharing of lovingkindness. Sharing unconditional love that carries and keeps each other forward.

Love in which you can feel free and secure. In which there is no place for shame towards each other but knows the heart of the other.

Love that supports and respects the other as you yourself want to be supported and respected and does not hurt.

A love that is happy with the other and rejoices in the other, matures and longs for more, deeper and better. Which is dependent and submissive to the spouse like a vicious circle that has no end.

Over and over again.

Never being satiated.

Steers and adjusts.

Forgives and helps to rise.

Acknowledges and accepts the other's feelings: esteems the other higher than yourself.

It is not God who imposes to stay within a marriage as "Thy will be done" but each on their own island. 

But nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 

God is not the jailbar for the window of the house (or door, for that matter) imprisoning you. His image of marriage was never meant to be a prison. 

It is not He who pressures a marriage with "Thy will be done," each on his own little island of closed feelings to which the other has no access...disconnecting sexual preference from relationship and faith, which inevitably leads to separation. 

His Will was on the cross, and obedient to love. Love for us in fact, i.e. not a self-realizing love that merely focused on Himself.

We shouldn't use phrase as an excuse to maintain our ground to not-love. He did not die so we could hurt one another even more (often unspoken). 

In the midst of freedom you're okay to make a choice.  

Truly moving forwards together in which both grow and arrive at the goal as God intended to fully experience that joy.

Or, if one truly cannot give what "togetherness" means within marriage. He does not condemn, but carries you forward too, He is still your Father, within the choices you make as a result. 


It is not a matter of ignoring feelings and shoving them away in the closet.

It is not a matter of complying under a yoke of obedience anyway.

It is recognizing what it means for both in every area of the relationship.

It is to acknowledge what it means for each personally within that marriage.

It is fully accepting who the other is as you yourself want to be accepted.

It is acting on those choices you then make together.

Solid choices, foundations for the bridge that is built towards one another and meet the meaning that love requires; defining God's fundamental principle of love for marriage in a same spectrum of His image equal to the church being the image of His love.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.                                                           Colossians 3 : 18 - 19

My emotions and preferences hold no greater weight than those of my partner.

My partner loves, cherishes, supports, and guides me. He holds his promises and stands resolute even if I fail to go forward. He gives himself, seeking to both give and receive love, sharing in both joy and sorrow. He actively seeks, strives for, and will genuinely listen...

Being patient, faithful, kind, and sincere, no self-centeredness as I aspire to embody myself.

Therefore, submission simply entails relying on each other and embracing the responsibility of love mutually. In doing so, we translating the concept of "reflecting His Image in one another" into action.

When both partners are motivated to seek one another in this manner, it ceases to be a burden or a yoke. Instead, it becomes an opportunity to grow in openness and freedom, to truly be known by each other.

The simple fact is: sexual preference is not the primary issue because that is not what marriage is about, nor does it reflect what love stands for. 


Related books and links

bottom of page